Vernacular

A day in my life... using as much common vernacular from here that's unfamiliar to home as I can:

Typically in the morning I'll get up, bath, plat my hair (being thankful I no longer have fringe) and grab a quick bowel of muesli for breakfast. If it's nice and I'm feeling ambitious I'll throw on my trainers and go for a jog. Then when it's time for work I put on my slippers, put my trousers over my pants, grab a jersey if it's cold, and head out the door.

Taking Kombi's isn't really my ideal transport situation, so I'm totally chuffed that I found a car that is my own. On my way to work I throw my pack in the boot and drive to the gate. The gardener or amai Vally will typically open it for me, and I'm on my way! I pass a few robots on my way to work and always get frustrated when they turn amber. Wouldn't want to be late. My tyres need to be replaced so I put my PHD skills to use and take it slow. Also don't want to drive straight and look drunk.

At work I get out my laptop and get busy. Sometimes the zesa goes out, which is pretty frustrating especially when my laptop's almost flat... even more frustrating when network's down, too. But zesa isn't down often and when it is you know it will always come back just now. Some days I forget my power cord and have to ask a friend to borrow me theirs. Once a month I'll get my GWUG after they take out zimra. I'm seriously so thankful for those of you who support me and make getting my GWUG possible.

A few days a week we get take aways for lunch. We go to Food World, grab a trolley, and fill it with meals of sadza and veg, rice and stew, or a thousand other options. We may buy some plastics for a few bond coins and push the trolley to my boot. We typically don't have any drink for lunch, preferring to just drink water, tea, or coffee instead. However, occasionally someone will ask for a small pulpy. Sometimes we'll have fresh chips with tomato sauce or get some crisps to snack on... and some days I'm keen for some biltong, but it's expensive. We eat outside in the garden for fellowship. (We have an avocado tree and a swimming pool. Our garden is awesome.) Eventually someone's gotta say, handei, and we get back to work. We bin our serviettes (napkins are for babies) and throw our take aways in the rubbish bin, too.

We're responsible for hoovering our own office and keeping bathrooms clean. If we actually have Jik, Andy's, and mop cloths lying around this is a lot easier.

On my way home I may hoot for a dollar airtime so I can buy my bundles. Bundles of Joy are my favorite kind of bundles. I'll get a few of those every week. If I'm out of petrol I'll stop at a Zuva station and sometimes they'll ask if I can pop my bonnet so they can check my oil.

I have dinner with my family here and then get ready for bed. For dinner I often do get drink of some kind... Blackberry Mazoe is my favorite, otherwise I go for Fanta. After putting Colgate on my toothbrush (though mine is Crest...) I brush my teeth. I go to bed and whatsapp friends from here and home as I fall asleep. Network is terrible in my room so I'm grateful for TelOne.

Handiti? Zvakanaka. There's the story of my typical life... from A to Zed. Iribo.

Now read it again with an African-British accent.